Time to Unplug

Technology can be our best friend or our worst enemy.  How do we stop our devices from becoming our own and our children's worst enemy? The answer: unplug. We need time away from technology and to moderate the time we use technology. Dr. Scott Becker, director of the Michigan State University Counseling Center spoke at the CARE of Southeastern Michigan's Parenting in the Digital Age conference about how our devices are affecting our lives and the importance of unplugging. Here is what I learned from Dr. Becker.

It starts with us. We are the role models and as such need to model the behavior of unplugging. It is important to take a step back and examine our own technology behavior. How often are we on our phone? How often are we watching TV? How often are we unplugging? It might shock you how much time you spend on your own devices.

 Our devices are causing us to lose sleep, bring work with us 24/7 and even become addicted to our devices. We live in a world where technology has created an expectation of instant responses. We are answering work emails constantly. It has become such a problem that rules and regulations have to be put in place to protect employees from over working outside of work. France has taken notice of technology following employees home and has decided to create legislation that restrict the use of work emails outside of work. With the internet being everywhere we are now working 24 hour work days.

Looking at our own use of technology use is the first step. The next step, the harder step, is restricting our children's use of technology. There are more obstacles when it comes to limiting our kid's time with technology. Kids have developed a fear of missing out when they unplug.  There is an expectation with kids to respond right away and they have anxiety when they cannot respond. They need to understand that it is ok to not respond to a text, tweet, or post. It is ok to be away from your devices. It is ok and needed to unplug. Peer pressure to have a social media presence has disconcerted youth from having time to develop who they are in the real world.

There is this pressure to snap, record, and post everything that they are doing. This is taking away from creating real memories. We are all guilty of it. A friend recently took her children to Disney World for the first time. On her entire trip, she was posting on Facebook everything they were doing. She made a status for every ride they were in line for, checked in for every place they ate at, and posted a picture for every character they saw. I wondered if she was really able to enjoy her experience with her kids or if she was so busy posting about the memories that she was not actually making them.

This change to unplug needs to be done together and with others. If your family is the only one making the change your kids might resent you or feel the rules are unfair because none of their friends have these limits. Seek out a social support group to make the change with you. 

Based on your child's age, this is what is recommended for a daily allowance of technology time: 

Birth to 2 years- Zero or as little time as possible

3 to 6 years- 20 minutes

7 to 10- no more than 30 minutes beyond the time they spend in school on technology

11-teens- Teach responsible use

No social media accounts until at least 16 years old- this protects them from bullying, porn, violence and more. It is important for children to develop a sense of self in the real world and not just off their social media profiles.

Making these limits is difficult. Here are a few suggestions to help:

·         Give other choices

·         Don't make technology forbidden- technology should be something that we sometimes get to use just like cookies are something we sometimes get for dessert

·         Replace screen time with face to face time- schedule time just to talk

·         Ask your kids what they are spending their time doing online

Having other choices are important. Here is a list of choices you can do with your kids:

·         Cards

·         Board Games

·         Reading

·         Journaling

·         Scrapbooking

·         Talk

·         Write Letters

·         Go outside

·         Tell stories

·         Art

·         Music

·         Socializing face to face

·         Alone time- time to reflect

It is important to also talk about social media with your kids. Take time to cover the following topics about social media use:

·         Cyberbullying- being a bully and a victim

·         Loss of emotional connection and support

·         Difference between friending and actually having friends

·         Unreality- false profiles

·         Self-esteem based on liked

·         Once it's posted its forever

·         Consequences for future jobs/school

·         The value of face to face- importance of non-verbal communication

·         Learning to read others emotions

·         Learning to regulate and express their own emotions

Research has shown that devices affect how we sleep. The light on devices makes it difficult for our bodies to adjust to night and it is suggested that you stop using your devices 1-2 hours before bed.  It is also important that we keep our phones far away when we are sleeping because the satellite signal that is constantly coming in and out of your phone can affect your sleep. There are apps that you can download that will help adjust the light setting on your phone depending on the time of day. Try some of these tips to see if it changes your sleep patterns.

Some other unplugging tips include:

·         Turn off alert notifications when studying, at dinner, spending time with

·         Don't use technology as a way to babysit/entertain

·         It is important for kids to learn to get through dinner, a car ride, etc. without technology

·         Talk about how "things use to be" and what life was like growing up for you

There are so many benefits to taking the time to unplug. Regain your sleep. Rejuvenate your mind to take the time to process the day and information without a screen feeding you more information. Make memories that you share with just your family and not all of social media. Have meaningful conversations with your family at dinner without the distraction of a ding of messages. Eliminate the interruptions to processing important information. Unplug and start connecting. 

By Megan McCoy-Child Abuse Prevention Education Coordinator

CAN Council Great Lakes Bay Region

To learn more check out: Digitaldetox.org

Parents: Do you know if your child is sexting?

First the questions we need to address; what is sexting? What is considered sexting? And what are the legal consequences?  

Sexting is the act of sending, receiving, and or forwarding risqué or sexually suggestive content via:

·         Text

·         Video

·         Photo

Sexting can also occur over social media site such as:

·         Facebook

·         Instagram

·         Snapchat

·         Twitter

So the big question is how do you as a parent have those conversations with your children about the dangers of sexting? It is a scary subject to talk about but here are some tips that can help you.

·         First, stay calm, take a breath you can do this!

·         Second, have open conversations with them about personal responsibilities, personal boundaries and how to resist peer pressure.

o   Let them know you are available to talk whenever and you won’t create judgements if they have and need to talk about it.

o   Show them stories of teens that have sent such photos and have a discussion about it, and how they would feel if this happened to them.

o   Ask them to consider if the person who is asking them for the photos, if they are also asking others for photos as well.

o   Don’t accuse them of sexting, but explain to them the dangers of sexting.

o   Set rules and expectations with having a phone and social media, and authorize what they are viewing.

Now that you have some tips on how to talk about sexting here are some facts on sexting to share with your children:

·         More than 50% of those who shared a sext shared it with multiple people

·         Nearly 1 in 5 sext recipients have passed the sext along to someone else

·         61% of those who sent a sext of themselves have been pressured to do so at least once

·         3 in 10 young people have been involved in sexting

·         Sexters are 4x as likely to have considered suicide in the past year than non-sexters

With that, what age is considered child pornography?

·         In Michigan child pornography laws apply to anyone under the age of 18. This can be confusing because legally at 16 one can consent to sex however they cannot send explicit photos of themselves via text or video. Explain that the difference is sex happens in private, and that sexting is rarely kept private.

Here are the legal consequences if caught sexting:

·         A teen who takes a sexual photo of himself or herself can be charged with manufacturing child pornography and this result up to 20 years in prison or a fine up to $100,000 or both.

·         If the teen sends that image and the receiver keeps that image the receiver can now be charged with possession of child pornography. The receiver can go to prison for up to 4 years and be fined to up to $10,000 or both.

·         If the receiver now sends this photo to friends which frequently happens this becomes distribution of child pornography and this result to no more than 7 years in prison and up to a $50,000 fine or both.

·         The teen could also be kicked out of school.

Sexting is becoming more prevalent now that teens have the technology to do so. It is our job as a parent to sit down with your children and have open conversations with them about this issue. It is an awkward conversation to have but there are tips for you on how to handle this issue and remember the first thing is to stay calm and take a breath you can do this. It is better to talk about it now than to talk about it after it has already happened and legal action has to be taken. 

By McKenzie Goss-Child Abuse Prevention Education Intern

CAN Council Great Lakes Bay Region

Social Work Student-Saginaw Valley State University

Data Source: http://mobilemediaguard.com/states/sexting_laws_michigan.html

Suggested Reading: Thousand Words by Jennifer Brown